Do you understand me?

Click on the picture to read some of the daily stressors.

(underproofed but I'm publishing it anyway:)

We are at Mission Training International for a week long, um, well, time.  I have been struggling over the past few weeks explaining what this place is and why we are coming. I felt a bit vindicated as the director of our time this morning said, "This isn't a retreat. It isn't a conference. It is debriefing. It is unpacking."  Yes.  Debriefing. Unpacking. First off, if you know a missionary or are one, you need to come. Now. Seriously.


O.K. second, it has been so healthy being with people who understand.  Just today we were writing five different types of stressors, from the daily hassles stressors like Black Mambas in your yard or Government offices or people knocking at your gate who are starving or friends whose babies die, to traumatic things like getting robbed, kids getting sick to so much more. And as we began to put these things on the charts for all to see, we all just shook our heads in understanding.  We understand each other. We feel understood.  Finally, some people who have been to Mars (Zambia/third world countries feels like Mars sometimes) and know what it is like up there.  Life is stressful for all people, but there are just daily stressful things that just build over time as a missionary that are just life.    I felt after seeing all these things on these list like "Well, no wonder." No wonder we feel numb and empty and tired and marginless.  We have never really identified all the 'normal' things you endure in the mission field that are just life.  What I am beginning to see though is how as we unpack our hurts and stresses, we are learning how the stress affects every part of our lives.  When I get angry for no reason or feel despair, it usually isn't the thing in play, but something/multiple things that have happened that has triggered this alarm.  Yesterday we shared our stories of brokenness. Today we are identifying why we feel so broken. Tomorrow we look at how to transition through this and process what we have been through. Thursday we look at how to care for the soul back to health.  One of the things that I have seen in all of this is that every stressful situation challenges and reveals my understanding of who God is... Is He sovereign? Is He good? Is He there?  Is He loving? 

Hearing the stories here are incredible.  One missionary lost 13 friends to various violent deaths. Another endured 2 years under a brutal director and has returned broken.  Another will have lost both a mom and a dad within a year.  Accusations.  Political upheavel. Witnessing horrible abuse that you can do nothing about. Loneliness.  Stress after stress. Challenges. Normal life.   There is some incredible work going on by the people here but there is some incredible hurt as well. The stories are amazingly hard and painful. And, we understand. And we feel understood. That alone is worth it being here.  And being understood allows the healing to begin.

I get it.

I get it. I understand why the Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt.  When the future seems so hard and unknown, you forget the hard and bad of yesterday. All the potholes and black mambas and sickness and suffering seem a welcome reprieve to the unknown future.    I wrote down a list of all the things I would not miss in Zambia. Government offices. Unjust police. Being white in a black land... All of it. Hard. But, it is so easy to forget all the hard when your future is unclear, when you feel like you are waiting in the desert, when you just want to go back to the comfortable.  If you at all understand what I am saying, you've got to watch the music video... Amazing...I saw it during our missionary debriefing here in Colorado. I so get it. 

Puzzling?

(These blogs are not proofed… Just raw and real and ‘ritten by Steve. Life is busy…:))

I'm not a big puzzle guy.  Bradyn loves puzzles. Stephanie, too.  I guess I just don't have the patience to sit and try each piece in their color, shape and size.  This particular puzzle was a gift from Uncle Shawn, Stephanie's brother, to our children. It's a personalized picture of all five ladies plus their Boggie and Bumpa.  It was a real doozy. 1000 pieces and lots of skin color, lots and lots of white, and wow, I think I may have done one of the 1000 pieces and it took me a good while, too.  A puzzle is what our life feels a bit like right now.  We know the puzzle picture is already completed. Church planting.  We have about 150 pieces done.  So, we can see it beginning to form, but not enough to answer the questions we get often: what is next? Where are you going? Any idea on your future?  But, it is coming together.  But slowly…

I sensed from the Lord that I was going to be like Abraham – By faith, setting out, not knowing where I was going. It has been like that.  Lots of options but not clear peace.

It is just amazing how when the options are endless, it is freeing...And overwhelming. So the only thing we can do, honestly, is wait. Pastor Jerry at Crossroads really encouraged me the other day when he said, "Don't settle. Wait on the Lord."  Waiting is so hard sometimes. Not just for its obvious frustrations.  No one likes waiting for anything.  Waiting is so un-American and so contrary to everything and everyone around me.  The hard, humbling part is that waiting can be confused and judged as laziness and doing nothing and sitting around. I would much rather do anything than nothing. So, how do I purposefully wait? 

I was ministered to by a song the other day written by Roby Duke at church. "Behold, the God who leads us, Day by Day, to worship His Son."  That is God's ultimate leading will for my life. To worship Jesus. The rest are details.

I heard another song which has encouraged me and probably so many others. It was written and sung by  John Waller...

Here are the words:

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I love this idea that I am waiting and yet while I am waiting, I am serving and worshipping God… And so we wait and serve and worship and wait… 

And just in case I am not the only one, waiting on God for anything, here is a verse for you…

Psalm 27:14

¹⁴Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

We leave tomorrow for a Debrief and Renewel retreat for returning missionaries at www.mti.org We will be back on Friday…

Thanks for praying!

Steve

1001 is the new one

It wasn’t my fault, really. I didn’t realize how much I should have kept writing this past month. Finishing at 1000 just seemed the right thing to do.  Culmination. But, it seems to me now that the end is just the beginning.  There is so much going on in this little mind of mine and no way for it to get out, to be processed, understood, and lived out… So, for those of you still around, would you permit me just about 100 more blogs to process my way through this wilderness of reentry…

And what better way to start off this #1 blog than with our baby, JoJo, front and center, #1, holding that mic while she belts out Takwaba at our church missions presentation.  Hilarious!

Steve and Stephanie Allen

www.hopenations.com

Our 1000th Blog!!! Reflections on four years of ministry with ACTION Zambia

Four years of memories in just under 8 minutes...  God is faithful!!!

Four years ago, our family embarked on the adventure of a lifetime; to be missionaries in Africa!!! We shared our story with churches and friends, we raised support, and we were sent out with prayers, blessings, sympathetic looks and envious smiles.  We arrived on African soil, eager and ready to change the world.  We had ideas and vision on how we could save Africa. The world had never seen such amazing missionaries.  We proposed many ideas to our director Tim Hilty. We wanted to do a child sponsor ministry. We wanted to bring short term teams in. We wanted interns. And a funny thing happened on the way to saving the world, our director said “No.”  No to the child sponsor ministry. No to short term teams. No to everything, it felt.  I fumed for a while. I felt stifled, held back and restrained. Do they know who I am?  A few months later, I began to understand.  And four years later, I really understand.

How grateful I am to Tim and his wisdom to make us settle in, and learn and listen and wait.  I have seen other missionaries over the past few years who were not as fortunate to have such a wise leader.  They are burned out, over-committed, and done, (figuratively and sometimes, literally). I have learned that for God to really change lives in Africa, it will take time, lots of time, and patience, lots of patience, and a relentless refusal to remain unmoved from the purposes and goals of the mission.

I liken it to planting a tree.  There is not much to write about while a tree grows from a seed to seedling to a plant to baby tree to a tree to fruit bearing tree. And yet, ACTION Zambia has committed to taking whatever time was necessary to intentionally shrink the ministry so they could dig down deep, long and far enough so that we could have lasting change.  AZ may not be able to do everything, but what we are going to do, we are going to do well.   There’s a reason Jesus took three years with a small group of disciples. (He did have his 70 and 120 and multitude which we also had, but the majority of his time was spent with the 12.)  There is much to do and undo when it comes to working the word of God into and out of a culture. A lot of money and time were sacrificed for fifteen poor, mostly uneducated, struggling pastors here in Zambia.  Was it worth it? Could we have done more? Should we have done more?  There is so much need and opportunity.  Change the world, Steve. Don’t waste your time on these guys. Think big! 

Well, another funny thing happened on the way to changing the world.  We were changed.  Because we could focus on just a few guys, we really got to know them, the needs they had, the things they suffered, their churches and friends and problems and burdens. We were there when their kids died, when they were robbed and sick and hurting. We celebrated when they got a plot for their church or put another brick on their building.  We visited their churches and their homes. We got to know their kids.  They rubbed off on us in many ways and helped refine us.  As their teachers, we learned how to learn.  We laughed and cried and prayed and ministered together. And it was those “wasted” moments, that earned trust, that opened doors, that helped us learn best how to love them and teach them.  And we did teach.  Because we knew them, we knew how to teach.  We got beneath the soil and removed the weeds and put down a new layer of fertilizer. The word took root. And is taking root.  And now they are ready to give away what they have learned, as they have already done. They are ready to unite as a network of pastors that have crossed denominational lines. They trust and love each other and pray for each other. They are ready to teach and lead and go, confidently against the grain of their culture and society.  A lasting ministry that makes lasting changes couldn’t have lasted without intentional, small, unhurried, wasted hours teaching and loving them. 

So, though I leave ACTION Zambia and return back “home”to pastor, I am changed. I covet this experience for all pastors. My ministry back home will be different because of my ministry here.  So, thank you ACTION Zambia, Tim, Tracy and teammates, for teaching me how to teach well.  Thanks for enduring me and refining me and sending me back to the States with lasting memories and enduring lessons. 

Our 999th post - Graduation and Baptism and Safaring and Goodbyes

 

We had a very busy weekend... Thought I would shove it all into one worthy of your time post.  We had a great final lunch with our two faithful workers and friends for the past four years. We shared stories of the girls and laughed a lot and even cried a little. We are/were so blessed to have a two great workers who really cared about us, were honest and faithful to the end... Thank you Lord for Mwape and Mirriam!

We enjoyed a family dinner after graduation.

Graduation was a looong day but a great day.  The graduation was dry inside but what a torrential downpour we had leading up to it. We all got soaked.

The first part of the graduation was combined with Twin Palms Baptist Seminary.  It was a service of much pomp and formality and it added a real, official feeling to the graduation of our 15 guys.

A picture with my buddy Patson.

 

After the first ceremony, we had our own reception which included lunch, and a 1.5 hour program which included handing out diplomas, sharing about each student, watching a video, and sharing about the program. We gave away four awards, including faithful pastor award to Manuel Simuyemba and faithful disicipler to Anderson Jere.   In this picture below, Tracy is sharing some really kind words about me and Stephanie.

 

We gave the wives a degree; a PHT (putting honey through) to thank them for their faithful support.

 

It was special to give half of the pastors a diploma and to share a bit about them. 

 

I got one last group picture with the pastors in their snazzy graduation robes.  I actually did this whole process, of getting the design, finding a tailor, buying the robe material, getting the money and guess what, nothing went wrong. They were done on time, for the agreed price, exactly how we agreed.  This was a serious and first ever TINA (this is NOT africa) for me.

The next day was another busy day for the Allen Family.  Stephanie led worship, I preached, we were sent out with prayer by the elders and friends at the church and Kamryn and Bradyn were baptized by me and the pastor Chris Henderson in the pouring rain. Whew... A great morning.

Monday was Chaminuka Safari Lodge with the pastors and their wives as a way of celebrating the last three years. We had a great time, mostly because they had such a great time. Another TINA, the bus that picked them up was on time, didn't break down and well, amazing.  It really was amazing seeing elephants, giraffe, pythons, buffalo and much more.  For many of them it was the first time ever seeing wild animals, riding in a boat, or even eating at a restaurant type setting.  So many smiles and lots of laughter was all the evidence we needed that they were having a great, great time.  And, to top it off, one of the pastors said, "This was the best day of my life."  What a blessing to be a part of something like that.

  It was emotional saying goodbye the pastors... Lots of hugs and almost tears which  is saying a lot for guys:)  It seemed surreal to say goodbye. I have seen them at least three days a week for the past three years.  Thank you Lord for this life changing experience... 

 

The last post for the ALIVEinAFRICA.com blog will be on December 3, the day we leave Zambia. It will be a video recap of the past four years. If you have 7 minutes and 33 seconds, come back this Saturday... Thanks again for your many prayers and support this work in Zambia... 

Zikomo Kwambili! 

Graduation Day!

We started our ACTION Pastors College three years ago with a hope and a vision to spend a lot of time with a few in number.  We report today that the plan of Jesus set up so many years ago still works today. May God be glorified as we graduate 15 students today... Enjoy this look back in video of our pastor and the memories that were created.

A great day...

I had a great day with Jay, my father in law as we visited with our pastors
for breakfast and in their places of ministry. Jay and Carol joined us at
class with my family to celebrate our last day of class. And then the
pastors tried on their new gowns... I am sure today will go down as one of
my favorite days in Zambia... To God be the glory!