Do you understand me?

Click on the picture to read some of the daily stressors.

(underproofed but I'm publishing it anyway:)

We are at Mission Training International for a week long, um, well, time.  I have been struggling over the past few weeks explaining what this place is and why we are coming. I felt a bit vindicated as the director of our time this morning said, "This isn't a retreat. It isn't a conference. It is debriefing. It is unpacking."  Yes.  Debriefing. Unpacking. First off, if you know a missionary or are one, you need to come. Now. Seriously.


O.K. second, it has been so healthy being with people who understand.  Just today we were writing five different types of stressors, from the daily hassles stressors like Black Mambas in your yard or Government offices or people knocking at your gate who are starving or friends whose babies die, to traumatic things like getting robbed, kids getting sick to so much more. And as we began to put these things on the charts for all to see, we all just shook our heads in understanding.  We understand each other. We feel understood.  Finally, some people who have been to Mars (Zambia/third world countries feels like Mars sometimes) and know what it is like up there.  Life is stressful for all people, but there are just daily stressful things that just build over time as a missionary that are just life.    I felt after seeing all these things on these list like "Well, no wonder." No wonder we feel numb and empty and tired and marginless.  We have never really identified all the 'normal' things you endure in the mission field that are just life.  What I am beginning to see though is how as we unpack our hurts and stresses, we are learning how the stress affects every part of our lives.  When I get angry for no reason or feel despair, it usually isn't the thing in play, but something/multiple things that have happened that has triggered this alarm.  Yesterday we shared our stories of brokenness. Today we are identifying why we feel so broken. Tomorrow we look at how to transition through this and process what we have been through. Thursday we look at how to care for the soul back to health.  One of the things that I have seen in all of this is that every stressful situation challenges and reveals my understanding of who God is... Is He sovereign? Is He good? Is He there?  Is He loving? 

Hearing the stories here are incredible.  One missionary lost 13 friends to various violent deaths. Another endured 2 years under a brutal director and has returned broken.  Another will have lost both a mom and a dad within a year.  Accusations.  Political upheavel. Witnessing horrible abuse that you can do nothing about. Loneliness.  Stress after stress. Challenges. Normal life.   There is some incredible work going on by the people here but there is some incredible hurt as well. The stories are amazingly hard and painful. And, we understand. And we feel understood. That alone is worth it being here.  And being understood allows the healing to begin.